


On Wednesdays We Crack Bad Jokes

by andiebeaword



Series: Spencer Reid Teen+ One Shots [11]
Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Bad Jokes, F/M, Horribly Awkward Flirting, Infatuated Idiots, Kissing, Mentions of Prison, Post!Prison!Spencer, cursing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-28
Updated: 2020-11-28
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:54:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,951
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27751864
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/andiebeaword/pseuds/andiebeaword
Summary: Reader is having the 'unluckiest' day in the history of her life. She has an awkward moment with the handsome stranger she's been ogling from afar. Then, when she sees him again at her work, she says something to 'break the ice,' not understanding his reaction when he simply...bolts.
Relationships: Spencer Reid/Reader
Series: Spencer Reid Teen+ One Shots [11]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2115525
Kudos: 34





	On Wednesdays We Crack Bad Jokes

**Author's Note:**

> So, I've had an idea for a while now, then I saw the list of prompts. The metro scene is inspired by a one shot I read months ago, but can't think of it off the top of my head. (Once I do, I will happily list it here, cause it is really worth a read) Also, I wanted to post a fluff piece before my impending smutty one. 😉
> 
> I can't believe it took me another week to post this. sigh I have a Holiday-themed fic in the works which will hopefully be out by next week. I am also super proud of myself for keeping my fingers from slipping and having to add 'smut' to the category list. *HAPPY THANKSGIVING*

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Wednesday. 

Perfect. 

Why do you think I can already sense your curiosity at the fact that I've now made it clear that Wednesdays are my least favorite days of the week? Easy. Wednesdays are when Tall, Dark, and Too Much Sugar usually sits two seats in front of me, with his perfect head of curls, and his obviously expensive messenger bag. 

He's been taking this route now for the past three months, and the reason I now hate Wednesdays is because in all those eighty-two days, I have not said one word to him. The perfect man has said exactly nine to me. 

"Oh -- sorry, didn't realize someone was sitting here. I --- Sorry." 

Worst part, is that all my dumb butt could manage to do is squeak out a small, meek "Yeah, sorry," back, which I'm sure his ears never heard. So, here I was -- on a fucking Wednesday morning -- sitting on the bench, waiting for my usual stop. I had some late-night Chinese food from the night before, and my fortune cookie was crinkling beneath the clear wrapper in my hand. Fidgeting with it, I managed to open it, cracking the cookie while letting the crumbs fall to the ground below me. Was never one to feel bad for littering and I sure as hell didn't feel like starting that shit now. 

Once I had the tiny piece of paper in my hands, I quickly turned it over to read the inevitable fortune. Normally, I scoff easily at the predictable ones regarding romance and shit like 'turning over a new leaf.' To my relief and surprise, my fortune did not include any of the above. 

• Fortune Not Found: Abort, Retry, Ignore? •

I flipped it over to see what my lucky numbers were. Surely that would, at least, help me navigate some part of this most-likely dreadful day. Right? 

• Lucky Numbers: 3, 7, 13, 39, 69 •

Well, those numbers ain't going to help me for shit today. I crumpled up the piece of paper, shoving it in my pocket, pulling out my phone to check my online horoscope. I normally don't care to read it, but today feels like the kind of day where I will regret not reading it, regardless of how much it may suck. Noticing the time on my wristwatch, I scrolled to the 'love horoscope.' Why, I don't know, but I read it, anyway. 

• Your Love Horoscope: Today, you can expect to fall in love at first sight. Perhaps this is someone you've never met before, or perhaps this is an old friend whom you suddenly see in a new light. Still another possibility is learning something wonderful about a current partner that you never saw before. However it manifests, today bodes very well for romance. Make sure you look your best all day - and if possible, go out with a partner tonight! •

Right as I heard the bus roll to a complete stop, I quickly sped my finger on my phone, barely glancing at what my lucky colors would be for today. 

• Lucky Colors: Pink, Yellow, & Purple. • 

Such an odd combination of colors, I thought to myself as I took my seat. I placed my headphones on, praying that the volume in which I wanted to drown my sorrows in wasn't loud enough for my nearby neighbors to hear. I didn't need sympathetic, judgy eyes looking at me on my way to work. Not today. 

As fate luck would have it, my eyes snapped open when the group of new people sifted through while at the second stop of my morning commute. There he was, in all his professor-esque glory. As usual, he had his extra-large coffee cup in hand, his satchel hung over his lanky body as he slid down into an empty seat in front of me. Good. He can't see how completely horrid I look today. I glanced back down at my iPod, noticing that he turned around to steal a look at me. Why? I shook my head at the thought as I allowed myself to get lost in my favorite song. 

I must've gotten lost in thought, because next thing I know, I'm hearing the driver holler that it's 'next stop.' As I'm scrambling to make sure I have everything, I couldn't help but look down at where my crush sat, being that he was sitting in the aisle seat. His left foot was resting on the floor and apparently my brain was too many steps ahead of my own poor excuses for feet, because I literally let this gorgeous man's foot practically trip me, causing my entire body to collapse on top of him. "Shit! I'm so sorry!" I felt what I assumed to be his arm wrap around me, holding me still as the bus came to a stop. I felt about nine shades of embarrassment, hoping to ease the situation by noting his ridiculous choice in socks. "Um, cute socks," I stuttered out, deciding I can die once I leave this godforsaken bus. "I-I like the purple and green dinosaurs, and the sunflowers are a nice, odd touch." 

It wasn't until I caught his smile, showing off his adorable dimples, that I realized what I had just confessed. Out of pure instinct, I buried my face in my savior's neck. Before I noticed yet another habit I felt I needed to apologize for, the doors squeaked shut and the bus was moving once again. Shit. I clung tighter to the man whose lap I was still sitting in, when I felt his hand tapping my shoulder gently. "Um, excuse me, that--that back there, that was your stop, yes?" I blanked for a couple seconds, only nodding like an idiot after removing my embarrassed face from the shield of his body. He just chuckled lightly, still holding me still, as if he were afraid to let me go. I felt his breath near my ear, and god, I wished I were better at flirting. "My stop is here, can I trust you not to fall on me again?" I dumbly nodded again, feeling weaker in my legs than I had when I, very characteristically, I might add, tripped right into my metro-crush's lap. 

When I turned my head to mutter a hurried 'thank you,' I found he must've had a similar idea, because here we were, noses touches, lips practically only millimeters apart, and nothing was being said and no moves were being made. This time, though, I managed to scramble up some amount of dignity, bolting from the sext stranger's lap, out the doors and onto the sidewalk, already remembering I had missed my stop in the first place. I decided to power walk my way to work, praying that the strange, moppy-haired man either opted not to follow me, and that he did, infact, follow me to my boring excuse of a job; a sales clerk at a small bookstore. 

"About time you show up," my best friend, Ginger, smirks up at me as I frantically place my bookbag and jacket in my cubby. That's when I notice something's missing: my favorite copy of my childhood book, Tabitha Tabby's Fantastic Flavor. Ginger takes in my worried state, so she begins asking me silly questions. "Hey, Y/N, slow down, who did you bump into this time?" It was an honest joke. I am clumsy to a fault, and of all people, Ginger knows better than anyone the amount of time I have 'accidentally' bumped into people. 

"No one.." I said all too unbelievably. "Just...that really cute guy, you know, with the coffee and curls I always wish I could run my fingers through -- that guy." Ginger's eyes went wide as she hurriedly sat us both down over in the kid's reading corner. 

"Okay, Y/N, you have to spill, what happened with him, exactly?" So, as luck would have it, I strung together every piece of evidence that pointed to the fact that today, a Wednesday, no less, was actually now the absolute worst day of my life. Right as I had finished recounting the single most embarrassing moment I've ever thought to endure, the front door bells ring, indicating a patron has entered the store. "Hold that thought, Y/N, and if you so much as disappear, I will murder you." That's the thing about Ginger I will forever love her for. Her sense of humor has been the only one I've known to come even remotely close to matching mine. No wonder we're the best of friends besides being complete polar opposites. 

After giving her the standard pinky promise, Ginger scampered to the front desk where the newest patron must've been standing. Though the second I turned around to catch a glimpse of who they could be, my eyes saw and my heart dropped. I hid back behind the shelves I was near, wishing I could've just screamed at Ginger "IT'S HIM! THAT'S TALL, DARK, AND SUGAR!" But, alas, I stilled, frozen behind the children's section, much like a scared child who couldn't find her stuffy. I heard feet shuffling in my direction, and I hoped it was Ginger. 

"Hey you," his voice somehow sounded better than I remembered it from the metro only thirty-some minutes ago. I paused, not wanting to meet his eyes just yet. After what felt like forever, I tentatively lifted my gaze to meet his, and god, how I wish I would have died right there. I watched him bring my years-worn book out, his fingers delicately touching the torn binding. "You look familiar..." the man smirked down at me, giving me uncontrollable feelings as I tried desperately to hide my face. Unfortunately, my dumbass self could only manage to conjure a response straight from a mug Ginger begged me to buy for myself, except I didn't because it was a terrible joke. And terrible jokes are apparently my specialty. 

"Yeah, um..." I chuckled nervously, slowly reaching out my hand for my book. "Weren't we in prison together?" I asked casually, and as nonchalantly as possible, hoping my voice didn't give my nerves away. That's when I heard it. The sound of my precious childhood book hitting the floor beside my feet. I glanced up at the man who'd been previously holding it, wondering why he dropped it all of a sudden. His face looked pale and clammy, almost as if he'd suddenly caught himself a fever. The look in his eyes was something I could never forget even if I tried. 

"I--uh, -- You--" His eyes were darting all over the place and my anxiety was quickly getting the better of me. I bent down to retrieve my book, noting that no further damage had been done to it since it was last in my care. When I looked up, my mystery man was gone, almost as if he poofed into thin air. I was dumbfounded. Why did he leave? Oh, shit. It had to of been something I said, or something I did, or just... me. I shook my head, concluding that one way or another, I had made my crush so uncomfortable around me that he simply bolted the second he could. 

Ginger waved me back over towards the Children's section where we each took a bean bag. "I---I screwed up, like royally fucked up," I sobbed, not caring if my barely-there makeup was getting smeared as I cried. 

"C'mon, it couldn't have been that bad," my friend tried to calm my frantic worries away, but sadly I was in far too deep now. Hell, I should've just asked him to hand me a metaphoric shovel in which to dig myself a six foot hole to die in. 

"You weren't there, you didn't see his face, Ging, he looked ... horrified." I buried my head between my legs, hoping that I could pull myself out by the time I would see him again on the metro. If I would ever see his gorgeous self ever again, really. 

Ginger listened to me go on about what a fuck up I knew myself to be for another few minutes before we had to finish our tasks and close up for the night. 

As my luck would have it, I never saw him on the metro again for two weeks straight. I even thought to stay on it until his stop a couple times, just to see if I had happened to miss him. I began to lose hope of ever getting my chance to apologize and figure out just what caused him to need an escape route far away from me, when Ginger slapped my shoulder one day while at work, pointing the muppet haired man out to me who was leisurely browsing the non-fiction section. 

"Can you go talk to him, for me please?!" I begged her, already knowing he might just book it upon seeing whatever he must've seen in me before that made him just --- leave. Ginger rolled her eyes over at me, almost sarcastically telling me in silence that I was losing it. Before I could even try to convince her more, she walked past me, going over to greet the man who clearly had a disdain for me to some degree. Hopefully Ginger could figure out why that is. 

I decided to make myself appear busy by going to the poetry section and straightening out each of the books, while also picking through my favorites. I had hoped my mind would welcome the distraction, but every so often I would peer over the shelves to catch a glimpse of the two of them talking. I hated how relaxed he appeared to be with her as compared to how he seemed around me. Jealousy was never a good color on me. 

"Spying, are we?" Ginger whispered in my ear out of nowhere. I yelped in shock, quickly composing myself while she laughed her ass off at my expense. 

"No!" I said all too quickly. "No, just -- why is he so calm around you?" I didn't mean to sound curt when I asked, but it was out there all the same. Ginger just shrugged her shoulders, glancing back at the man in question. He looked nice today. He had a plaid button-up shirt with a red tie and a black cardigan with what looked like a cat embroidered where a breast pocket would be. The rest of his attire was normal, though he still had mismatched socks on, I'm sure, and I was still not over his choice of shoe being good old chucks. 

"He's just ... shy," Ginger insisted. "He asked about you." I stared her down thinking this was some kind of cruel joke. She wasn't laughing in the slightest. 

"What?" I blinked slowly. 

"Yeah, he asked if you were 'normal?'" She said it like a question, hinting that he may have told her something that didn't exactly match up with my side of how things went down two weeks ago when he tried to return me my book. 

"Did you spare him the truth?" I joked. Ginger knows just how overtly awkward I get around boys and older men just brought out the stupid in me so well. 

"No," she chuckled, moving her hand to spin her finger around in a circle near her ear. "I told him you were crazy." Ginger then whistles high and low, then high again. I couldn't help but laugh at myself after that. 

"Thanks, I wondered why you were my best friend." 

"You know it!" We laughed together a little while longer before Ginger's eyes snapped back to the mystery man then to me. "Now, go! Before he makes another run for it." She gently shoved me in his direction, winking back at me as she scurried off to do god knows what, leaving me stranded with my dumb butt, the hole I keep digging myself further into, and the man of my dreams who clearly dislikes me to some degree. Great, just a typical Wednesday. 

I tentatively walk over towards him, afraid that if I even so much as make a peep, he'll scatter into a million pieces. When I caught him turning his head to now face me, the look in his eyes said it all. Then, he wrinkled his nose a little, and I snorted at the sight. 

"Do I smell, or something?" It was honestly my first thought. Then gorgeous man shook his head, giving me an inquisitive look. 

"No, why?" This time, I didn't hear any upsetness in his voice, just curious wonder. I let out a deep sigh, choosing to bite the bullet before it kills me. 

"'Cause you ran out of here so fast, you know, the last time I saw you." I bit my lip out of habit, wondering if maybe I should just disappear in the same manner he once had before. 

"Oh." That was all he said, well, more like whispered. I watched him take a tiny step away from me as his nose twitched again. I brought my nose down to my shoulder, sniffing softly to remind myself I did actually apply deodorant this morning. 

"It's okay, I should probably switch body washes, I suppose." I tried to joke it off, hoping he wouldn't read into the way my eyes began to water just enough that I swiftly swiped any excess away as best I could without ruining my eyeliner. 

"No, no, it's not that ... um, you smell ... fine?" It came out his mouth much like a question. I decided that the little squeak he did at the end was more endearing than weird. I scoffed a little, hoping to play it off as if this wasn't one of the most awkward conversations of my life. 

"Gee, thanks for the reassurance." The man next to me laughed. He laughed so much that I saw his perfectly aligned teeth and all I wanted to do was savor this perfect moment forever. 

"No, I just -- You said something and it---" I didn't mean to cut him off, but at the same time, I needed to make positively sure I understood why he left me with zero explanation the first time. I braced myself, mentally speaking, in hopes that I could at least leave this trainwreck of a conversation, knowing just why he acted the way he did. 

"Oh, I'm so sorry!" I rushed out, my breath already caught in my lungs with no escape route in sight. "I am terrible at making small talk and cracking jokes is like, how I try and, you know, break the ice." His face contorted into a mix between utter confusion and --- I couldn't make out what else. "Oh god, you're going to tell me that was the absolute worst thing to do, right?" I hated the way I just threw myself under the bus like that. 

"No -- no, I--" He took in a breath, glancing around the area for a second, making me more self-conscious about the fact that technically, I should be working now, not haphazardly flirting with the sexy man from the metro. "Your joke," he cleared his throat, "about being in prison together, um, it just kinda threw me, you could say." That's right. I was now remembering how nervous I was and the first thing that had popped into my head was a bad joke I once read off of one of Ginger's favorite coffee mugs. I made a mental note to kill her later. 

Still, I was genuinely curious why that would be the reason he suddenly felt he had to skedaddle. "Why? I thought it was rather funny." I chuckled at my own joke as I repeated it in my head. Stupid as it sounds, those were my favorite kinds of jokes. 

"I probably would've laughed too, but I -- um, just got out of prison, and---" Hold. The. Phone. Again, I didn't intend to cut him off, but PRISON?! Like 'hello, I got caught doing something illegal' bad person? 

"WHAT?" I felt like I was about to vomit. Did he feel just like this when I first made the joke? Oh, god. I averted my eyes away from him, wishing I could just disappear in a puff of smoke like one of those Houdini magic tricks. I began freaking out even more, when suddenly I felt a pair of warm lips touch mine. My nerves gave way, allowing me to slowly close my eyes as I took in his musky scent with a hint of coffee and ... mint? As his jaw moved in time with mine, I ran my hands up his chest as I felt his settle on the small of my back and the nape of my neck. His tongue poked thru without permission, leaving me even more curious about just who this exquisite creature was. Then --- all at once --- reality hit me. 

Prison. 

This ridiculously god-like man had served time in ... prison. 

I pulled away, only a little phased at how cute his face looked all flushed and pink. He must've recognized the look my eyes gave him, betraying the part of me that desperately wished to kiss him some more. "No, look, --please let me explain," his voice cracked, the look his eyes showed me gave me a strange sense of warmth and calm all at the same time. I studied his face for a moment, deciding to give him the sure-fire benefit of the doubt. After all, I really didn't have much of a clue as to who he truly is. 

"Alright," I sighed, noting how both of us released an air of tension we hadn't realized was so strong between us until our shoulders physically relaxed together. "But, only because my horoscope this morning said I would meet my love match in the form of a Scorpio, and the fact that your socks match my lucky colors from my fortune cookie." I knew the day I had seen him board the metro with a tiny cupcake in hand would pay off. He didn't strike me as a guy who had cupcakes often, so I guessed it was for a birthday. His, to be more specific. 

The look of complete shock and surprise that spread across his face was so worth it. 

"How did you --?" I shrugged my shoulders again, noting that this conversation had taken an undeniable turn for the better, and I sure as hell wasn't about to complain. 

"Lucky guess," I smirked, realizing that in all this time, I never learned his name. "You believe in luck, Mr....?" I raised my eyebrows in question, hoping he'll oblige me by giving me that which I silently was asking for. He cleared his throat once more, giving me a small wave in return. 

"Doctor, actually," he chuckled. A doctor? Fuck. My luck must really be changing. "Um, Dr. Spencer Reid." Noting the wave, I assumed Spencer wasn't much of 'shake hands' kinda person. It felt oddly nice to finally have a name to match to his pleasantly adorning face. I let a smirk cross my lips as I continued my small bout of confidence. 

"I fancy your perpetual awkwardness enough to allow you the esteemed pleasure of calling me Y/N/N." Spencer laughed at that, choosing to take a step back towards me, the distance between closing again much like it had before. His breath fanned my face as our noses tickled together. 

"Okay. What's your given name?" What? Is he a genius or something? I shook my head slightly, leaning in a little more, our lips ghosting over each other's like moths to their flames. 

"Make it to the third date and ... maybe I'll tell you." 

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End file.
